I’ll tour this grand old land of mine;
I’ll drive from ocean to sea.
I’ll walk where millions walked before,
I’ll not sit where they all urinate.
Tasty, homemade, fresh, slightly ruined.
“I make this all the time for corporate events. Everyone asks me for a copy of the recipe.”
1 Decade of wasted effort
20 Queries to friends
5 Self-help books, or more, to taste
6 Counselling sessions
42 Inspirational quotes
1. Set your life to 360º.
2. In a large bowl, add the first five ingredients until piecey and coarse. Stir until Tendinitis and/or Depression force you to stop.
3. Pour wasted effort/quotes mix into prepared online post, adding personal details so that friends may comment inauthoritatively. Pretend to feel justified.
4. Sit without improvement for 3 months.
5. Find yourself through a healthier medium; by finally, actually, simply concluding that you really are the key to your own success.
6. Remove fermented, molding mass from internet and dispose of properly.
7. Serve, and enjoy!
It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, to think that we just don’t do life as well as everyone else.
In reality, there exists a giant garbage dump of failed Pinterest attempts that nobody has posted to her Instagram.
I’m really frustrated. I’ve tried everything. I’ve even resorted to bribery and threats.
I still can’t get myself to do the housework.
As a child, I was cripplingly shy. I spoke barely audibly, hated to look people in the eye, and cried at social stresses.
Then, I started to grow and mature. During this stage of metamorphosis, which usually takes from two weeks to several months, the larval tissues completely break down and reorganize. The outlines of adult features—the wings, eyes, tongue, antennae, and body segments—can be seen on the surface of the pupal skin.
When fully formed, the pupal case splits and the butterfly emerges. The butterfly first expels its meconium, metabolic waste products that have accumulated during the pupal stage. It then expands its shriveled wings—by pumping them full of blood—before flying off.
What? Sorry; I dozed off and let some autofill site finish this post. I’d better get off to bed. Goodnight, everyone!
Wouldn’t it be lovely if all your problems could just float away?
Well, now they can!
First, lay all your bills out on the desk.
Next, take a deep breath.
Last, exhale forcefully onto the papers.
You’ve also just dusted. Good job!
O, footwear on that narrow shelf
Daintily curved ’round your arch:
How appealing, how smart you poise
Atop, as if lining to march.
O, footwear, you awaken some
Feminine joy -I’ll confide.
Even in such a tom-boy me,
I squeal a tad deep inside.
O, footwear, I search hungrily
And seize your match in my size.
But, alas! Once again, I find
You, when that large, look like guys’.
Herculesa bravely clutches at her last weapon -the Libman of Justice- as she eyes the dangerous Hydra plodding menacingly toward her.
Whack! A purposeful sweep draws the vicious head of Dirty Tile Floors off its base. Swish! Returns the Laundry head to its origins. Clunk! And the Dishes is decapitated.
But, as we all remember, Hydra Housework cannot be defeated so easily. From the supposed stumps of completion, new branches sprout and grow full size. Floor splits into Carpets, Windows, and Toilets; Laundry spawns Sock Mating, Bedding, Repair; Dishes makes more and more Dishes!
Our heroine is surrounded as she stumbles back on loose Hot Wheels and plush animals. Bravely she strikes again and again!
How will Herculesa ever vanquish this unconquerable beast? There is no permanent end in sight!